[20] Sunshine After The Rain
Dear You
It's already the weekend and the end of the week will soon be ushered in. It's not that I didn't want to update any entries. As a matter of fact.. My 3 weeks of August has been quite eventful.
There has been a few times when I switched on my laptop with the intention of penning down the happenings but always I will put it off. I just spent my time checking my mails and basically that's about it.
But no worries.. I've been recording my events in my daily planner.
So let's start off.. Unfortunately the 1st week of the month did not bode well for me. After I had gotten my pay. I did my passport and managed to have dinner with Cheryl and Hanif and clubbed with them at O bar before I was admitted to the hospital.
Due to suspected lung cancer. Yeah.. U read right. LUNG CANCER. I had to undergo tests and all that and it was pretty I tell you. My parents didn't know and the only people who did could be counted on one hand.
And because my admittance was instantaneous as I had collapsed right then and there in the A&E, I didn't bring my charger. It was a lonely few days in the ward with only magazines for company.
Weirdly even though I felt lonely. I took the opportunity to cut myself from my social circle and didn't inform anyone of my ward and stuff. It was a good time to do some soul-searching and I took advantage of the time.
I reflected on my past and what I had done. Remembered the mistakes that I made, the times I had fallen and the struggle to pick up the broken pieces. The true friends that I had who had always been there.
A good friend of mine who had passed away 3 years ago once said to me.
"Tasha.. Remember that you shouldn't regret what you went through in the past. Being brought down is part and parcel of life. Not taking risks doesn't stop you from getting hurt. Instead it will make you more matured in thinking and prepare yourself for the next cycle of shits that will continue to happen endlessly. You may think yourself weak for always getting in this kind of situations. But even if you get that punch in your face. Walk strong with your head held high because you should still be proud of your self for surviving the past that you had. You're tougher than you look. Give your past to a weaker person and they would have crumbled. Fuck! Even I will kill myself if I went through what you went through. Karma will come around and if have the strength to pick yourself up and continue on the journey of life, you will come across a diamond that you had been too blind to see"
Now this wasn't said by a person who was eloquent in speech. But her philosophy was simple enough for me to understand. Right after she said this she hugged me and said she will going away and said she will miss me because she's not sure whether she's coming back to Singapore.
Sadly though two days later I received the news, she was found dead because of a drug overdose in her grandma's home in Malaysia.
I did wonder whether she knew that that will be the last time I saw her. Maybe she did. I did think of what she said from time to time and as I lay on my hospital bed. I thought about her words again. It was then that I knew I had to stop wallowing around in pity.
I decided to move on and shove Rudy to the back of my mind. After I was discharged. I was abit pissed. After paying for my air tickets and accommodation for my trip to Bangkok, I only had a few hundred left and those had to go for the tests I went through. And I had to take an additional test on the last week of the month so I am very financially drained.
What's worse. My new workplace called and asked me whether I could start work on the 27th instead of the 20th as they wanted me to start after they had done the payroll for the month. What choice do I have but to agree.
Nabei Chee Bye..
There goes my plans on having abit of cash for my trip.
On a lighter note. I have found somebody new. His name is Saiful Fadli. I actually knew him 2 years ago because we hang around with a mutual group of friends but we have never actually talked. Reason being I had just gotten into a relationship with Rudy and he had a girlfriend.
It was during Ain & Didi's wedding that we bumped into each other again and I asked 1 of our mutual friend to tell him of my intentions of friendship and we exchanged numbers.
Most would have said that ours seem to be a whirlwind romance and that it was probably rebound. But we don't care. The chemistry and attraction we had for each other were too strong for us to ignore.
The amazing thing was that we really clicked. We are very comfortable in each other's company and we shared similar character and views on life. Since both of us were both betrayed by our respective exes badly, we shared a common wariness but we decided to throw caution to the wind and gave it a try.
So far everything is going along well and hopefully it will continue to do so. I'm very grateful to my friends for encouraging me even though I know they had some misgivings. They just want to see me happy and since they saw that Saiful is making me happy and feeding me, they gave me the support that I needed.
I know that I could always count on them.
A friend of mine did ask me why I'm like this. Asked whether am I not afraid to be hurt again if I continue to hope and dream for a happy relationship.
My answer was simple. I respect reality but I have a healthy dose of hope and that when combined with a laugh and a smile on my face is what keeps me going. Rather then hide from it. I prefer to face it head-on. If I don't take the risk, how would I find out if he's The One? and who knows...
He could be The One.
For now.. It's the honeymoon period and I'm enjoying it while I can.
Oh by the way.. Pray that my lung cancer thing is only suspected but not confirmed. But for those who prays that it's confirmed. I'll see you guys in hell.
 
Till then....
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