[12] My Pent Up Anger
Dear You
As I have said earlier.. I have a story to tell. Know of the saying. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned?
Well..
On Sunday night I was walking towards the 7-11 situated near the main road. On the way there I met up with my old friends during my shake-uh-shake days.. So long ago.. 7 years ago in fact. It's been that long so I thought that since I was there, I might as well stopped by and catch up on old times.
Unfortunately 1 of them was a girl 5 years younger than me. I totally hated her. She was cocky and full of shit. But then since the rest of my friends were there, I don't actually have to acknowledge her.
After the usual.. ' hey Tasha.. long time no see.. where did you disappear to.. yada yada yada..
I settled down and chatted with my long time buddy.
After a while.. somebody said to me..
'Hey Tasha.. thought I saw Apple did other day. Still remember him?'
I just smiled and ignored him.
Suddenly this cocky youngster bitch said loudly.. ' Eh Tasha.. why so quiet? Can't bear to talk about 1 of the guys who got away from your clutches?'
The rest of them became silent.
WHO THE FUCK DOES SHE THINK SHE IS XIA.. TALKING TO ME LIKE THAT
Oh.. But she wasn't done..
Youngster BITCH continues, ' heard that your boyfriend now has cheated on you and that there is a possibility that he's cheating on you now'
GGRRRRRRrrrrrrr.....
She doesn't fucking know that that is a very sensitive issue for me.
Me, ' Really.. Didn't realise that after I finished school I am popular enough for you people to talk about'
Youngster BITCH, ' Popular my ass! You're just cheap enough for people to gossip about so don't try to act like a high-class bitch! Apple was the only one man enough to beat you and teach you a few things!'
Before I explain about Apple, let me just say that at this point of time I was FUCKING PISSED!
Oh.. but I didn't show my anger..
I laughed and everyone relaxed
I went to went and pretended to shake her hand and said that I realise that I was a bitch
Then I punched her in the face
Yeah I did
It was stupid but I have alot of pent up anger towards the stupid bitch who was stalking me and ruining my relationship and I admit now that some of that anger was because of Rudy aka Bear.
I was hurt, disappointed and angry at the way he treated me.
I didn't have an outlet to release my anger so unfortunately she was the one who tripped my wire.
Youngster BITCH was shocked
HAH!
Stupid idiot didn't know how I change when I'm in a temper.
She started screeching for the others to whack me because I dared to lay a hand on her.
Nobody moved
Finally A said, ' You crazy? We know Tasha longer before we know you. Tasha goes by her own rules. What you said about her boyfriend and Apple is a low blow. You picked the fight so you finish it'
By this time I was shaking in anger. My fists were just aching to hit her or something again. But I just turned and stormed off home.
The stupid bitch still had the cheek to yell at me to come back and called me a coward.
Hah!
When I turned back, she ran away
PIECE OF CHICKEN SHIT!
Why did I react that way.. I knew it was wrong.
It wasn't right to fight
But the mention of Apple brought to mind images of my past. The past that made me the way I am now. Wary, cold-hearted, suspicious and distrustful.
Apple is a very sore subject to me
But I'm going to be open here
Because I am tired of people thinking that I was born a cold-hearted arrogant bitch
************************************
Back in 2001 during my minah rep days. I met Apple at the now defunct Fire/Sparks disco. He was kinda cute then.
Our honeymoon period lasted only 6 months before he started being a bastard
After that time, he started contacting other hostesses, stole my money to buy them gifts, put me under house arrest, beat me and even raped me.
Yeah he did..
It was because of him that my nose suddenly had a bridge. It was because of him, my right cheekbone sunk in. It was because of him, sometimes I walk with a limp.
He would beat me with anything and everything
He ever threw a bottle of water to my head and it burst causing me to have a blood clot in my eye
He would use the thermos which boils water to hit my face
He would wind his leather belt with the metal buckle facing outwards to hit me all over
He would bang my head against the wall and the floor
He would be me till I was unconscious and beat me again till I regained consciousness
I've been beaten up in a cab in front of the taxi driver who tried to help me but got scolded in return
Thank you Uncle for trying to help
I've been beaten outside The Heeren when there was no NYDC but a fountain where it is always packed every Saturdays
Thank you to the people who tried to help me
Thank you to the girl who blocked and shielded me from his punches
Which ended in her getting punched as well
Thank you to her boyfriend and his friends who tried to pull him back
Thank you for trying to help even though we were strangers
But I understand when you had to back off when his gang arrived
You must be thinking why I didn't report to the police.
I can't
Not because I was scared
But because I was also involved in his illegal dealings and activities
In defense I learned how to fight him back
Thus learning how to build a hard shell around me to avoid getting hurt
He hurt me physically, mentally and emotionally
He would say that I was never good enough for any guy
He would say that he was the only one who understood me
He would say that no other guy would want a girl like me
I knew it would end sooner or later so I bid ed my time
God answered my prayers when he got caught for rioting and voluntarily causing hurt to a passer by
* He slashed off a guy's ear*
He had to serve a sentence of 5 years and 12 strokes of the cane
Even though I pitied his mother
I have to say that 12 strokes is not enough compared to the torture he gave me
So now you all know why it's a very sore subject
Because of him, I lost my innocence. My good nature. My life.
In its place I became very cold and hard hearted. Suspicious.
My view of life changed from being happy go lucky to sarcastic and distrustful
Yes I am still very angry at him even though when he came out of prison, he called and apologised
I have never been able to tell him that I can forgive him and forget what he has done
Because like the bastard he is
He still has the cheek to say what he had said that few years ago
'only he can understand me and accept me'
FUCK YOU LAH APPLE
In a way that is why I am angry at Rudy
He is playing with me feelings the same way Apple had even though he doesn't lay a hand on me.
In a way they gave me the vibes that they know I love them but yet they still hurt me
I may be tough on the outside
But my heart is vulnerable and has never been able to fully mend
Everytime I start to glue back the pieces
The person I love will smash it again...Labels: I'm feeling vulnerable
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