[2] Wishes
Dear You
Day by day the feeling of sadness is building up in me. I feel like as if my feelings are detached from me. My whole being feels numb. I'm having a whole mix of emotions. But I can't exactly pinpoint anything. I just feel angry, sad , hurt , dissappointed and confused all at once.
What exactly does he want me to do? Keep quiet and wait? If he were to say I don't give him his freedom, it's nonsense. I give him alot of freedom. I don't control him. I don't nag. I just accept it. Yes I do wish that we could meet and go out at times but I don't try to force him. I do wish that we could be like other couples. I envy other girls when their boyfriends call them up and go out with them. I get jealous and tears will start to wellup in my eyes if I were to see other couples holding hands and being happy.
I look at our pictures together and sometimes I wish that we could go back to those happy times. Thanks to that bitch, I still don't remember 1/2 of those happy times.
Many couples are still very loving and close after 3 years of being together in a relationship. Mine hasn't even reached the 2 year mark and already he's very distant. I can wait by the phone and there won't be any calls from him. It can even be a week and more and there still won't be any calls bearing his name. I'm the one who's always contacting him and even then our conversations are short.
He always sound very impatient. It's bad enough that we don't meet but to not call and talk is even worse. What else can I do but just smile and wait. Patience is after all a virtue.
My heart is slowly breaking but he doesn't know it. The little time that i get to spend with him is too damn precious for me. I can't tell him what I feel.
Firstly is because I just want to cherish and treasure the moment when we do meet or talk. Secondly, I am afraid he will get angry. Because if he does, he will start giving me the cold-shoulder and will not contact me at all.
I love him. I just don't know whether he does.
 Labels: I'm in a confused mood
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